At times I find myself in a place of discontent with myself, my pattern of life, my basic performance in that life , and my production as a Christian is so lacking, compared to what I know I should be accomplishing. In other words, I just find myself out there treading water, but getting no where fast. I tend to be a very impatient person. If I’m not getting the results I desire, I move on to a new project. And this, I find is the problem I keep repeating, over and over again.
Recently, I found myself bogged down in my writing. I blamed it on a lot of things. My computer died with two manuscripts and a study guide locked inside, unfinished, of course. The air conditioning in our home went out twice during the hottest part of the Summer. And some personal problems I don’t intend to burden anyone with. It just seemed that nothing was going right, where is this life of victory we read about in Gods Word?!?
I have always been a Faith/Word person. I believe God meant what He said, when he told us that we would have life, and have it more abundantly. I pray incessantly, read and search Gods Word for the answers. I question God over and over. What is going on, why can’t I just get past this and complete what you’ve told me I’m to do?
Gods Word says, that without a vision, man will perish. I cry out to God, but I do have a vision and I know you placed it in me. What causes me to stumble in my pursuit to get it done? My heart cries out to God at times, why Lord, why do I find myself just closing my eyes and my mind, and just falling into a place of limbo?
My first thought and reaction is, well, I just need to get on my face and pray. Spiritual warfare is what is needed in this situation. But when, after the spiritual warfare, the problem is still there, guess what? The problem must not be evil demonic spirits, but it must be something in me that is lacking.
Over the weekend my husband and I spent some much needed time alone. After 46 years of marriage, we still need to nurture what we have together. I have loved this man since the day I first met him on May 17, 1965 . I love so many things about him. He is kind to everyone, always respectful and gentle as a lamb. Because he’s a man a habit, I know I can trust him, rely on him and never worry about the things he is responsible for.
I find myself failing to tell him how I feel about these attributes that I love….. neglecting to honor him and verbally pay homage to him, as he so deserves.
How much more does our Heavenly Father deserve our worship, our verbal adoration, paying homage to the King of All Kings and the Lord of all Lords.
A King such as this…..
O come let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our maker.
Worship: defined from the Strong’s Concordance and Wilson’s Old Testament Word Studies……
to prostrate yourself in homage to God;
to bow down;
True worship from our heart is what He desires and requires from us.
Not that I speak of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.
Yet, my discontent continued.
A Shakespearean quote:
Now is the winter of our discontent…..
In other words, The time of unhappiness is past.
The very thing that led me to these 21 days of worship, was my discontent with where I was spiritually. I found that being discontented spiritually caused me to be discontented with every other area of my life. No good thing could I find in me or my life or those involved in my life. Thus, major unhappiness was at the core of my very being and very reason for living. Yet, I kept on keeping on, telling myself that this too shall pass…. but pass, it did not!!!
So, as my husband and I were driving down the highway this past weekend, In the silence of our drive, I inwardly was crying out to God….. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get beyond this wall, this stagnant place?
I heard God’s voice…
as with your relationship with your husband needing nurturing
…so with your relationship with me. (GOD)
Thus, 21 days of worship began yesterday morning. You see, my neglect of true and deep worship of my Heavenly Father on a regular basis had stopped the flow of Gods Spirit in my life, my work, my happiness. I was praying and studying, etc. , but I needed that communion that is so sweet. I had been neglecting this area of my life for awhile. My lifeline was disconnected, or at least had kinks in it. How and why do we allow ourselves to get to this place of disconnect. It happens exactly the same as growing disconnected from our life mates. I have heard of married couples who end up divorcing once their children grow up and leave the nest, due to no nurturing of the love and romance and communication during those busy years of raising kids and working. The kids move on and the parents look at each other, and think, I don’t know this person…we have nothing in common anymore. Thus, Divorce!!
Years of church attendance, church work, studying for bible lessons, Sunday School, lady’s meetings, church dinner’s…. this list can go on and on… don’t get me wrong. These things are important…but will drag you down without the communion and worship of your most valuable asset… God!
He is the catalyst for it all. Without Him in the center of it all, nothing will work!!
Worship Him! With all your might, worship your Lord and Savior, that is where you will find the peace, the quietness, the assurance of, the flow of the Spirit, once again rising up in you, and out from you…to those around you….
BTW: Do you know my Savior? Jesus is His Name!!